I had no idea that a holiday in a luxurious Turkish design hotel named Adam & Eve would trigger one of the biggest realisations of my midlife.
Picture this: dazzling white interiors, the longest bar in Europe, angels in white offering round-the-clock service, and a Russian club festival with a soundtrack that promised eternal youth and non-stop partying. A glamorous parade of model-esque young women floated through the hotel, clinging to middle-aged men with more cash than charisma. Their bodies were flawless, their heels sky-high and their lips suspiciously plump.
And there I was, middle-aged, modest swimsuit, plastic flip-flops, quietly doing aqua aerobics while the size eights skipped the pool altogether. It was like being an observer at a fertility Olympics I hadn’t even entered. Or perhaps I’d already been eliminated.
For the first time, I could feel it: I was no longer part of the mating ritual. The realisation hit with the force of a poolside cannonball – I was leaving behind the fertile phase of life. I was fading out of the spotlight, no longer competing. And surprisingly? That was okay.
My mother raised me to be independent and watching those young women vie for attention from wealthy older men felt a world away from the values I was brought up with. Still, it stirred something. The contrast between them and me, between my past self and my present self, was sharp, but not bitter.
Something else began to grow in place of youthful allure: wisdom.
This wasn’t just a holiday; it was a full-body confrontation with a new reality. I was saying farewell to youth, beauty contests and the subconscious urge to compete. And with that, space opened up for something deeper: the journey of becoming fully myself.
I realised: the real glow-up happens on the inside.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
– Reinhold Niebuhr
This is a short summary of Chapter 5 of the Hot Flushes Diary. For more, head to the next blog where you can read a summary of Chapter 6. Enjoy!
