When sleep suddenly stops working
From the diary of Hanneke van Gompel
I hadn’t been sleeping well for nights. This was new for me. I had always slept like a log and rarely woke up during the night. In my eyes, my husband was the culprit.
‘For God’s sake, can’t you keep it down?’ I grumbled at him. ‘What are you even doing? I wake up because of your noises. Do you even know what you do during the night? Snoring, heavy breathing, clearing your throat, tossing and turning… and sometimes you stop breathing altogether, which scares the life out of me!’
When my husband was away on a business trip, I slept wonderfully, so I was convinced he was the source of my sleep issues. I even suggested that he would sleep in the guest room. An idea which was firmly rejected.
It wasn’t until I realised I was going through the menopause that it all clicked.
With embarrassment, I realised that perhaps my husband had been making the same sounds all along. It was just that now they were bothering me. I apologised. I had always been a heavy sleeper. If left undisturbed, I could sleep well into the afternoon. But those days were over.
Now I was such a light sleeper that the tiniest noise woke me up. Worse still, I struggled to fall asleep. I tossed and turned for hours, my mind racing. I would doze, but it wasn’t real sleep. Despite years of meditation practice, I still couldn’t get to sleep. I felt powerless: desperate to sleep, but unable to.
After weeks of broken nights, exhaustion set in. I tried everything: blackout curtains, supplements, superfoods, even earplugs. Nothing worked. I read horror stories about women who hadn’t slept properly for years. How was I supposed to function? I had ideas, plans, inspiration, but no energy to act on them.
Love,
Hanneke
Why so many women struggle with sleep in midlife
Cindy’s notes from the research desk
Reading Hanneke’s story, it’s an all too familiar story, even to women who haven’t reached menopause yet. And the science backs this up.
Sleep problems are one of the most common symptoms of perimenopause and menopause. Studies show that 40–60% of women experience sleep disruption during this transition. This isn’t just ‘poor sleep habits’, it’s physiological.
As oestrogen and progesterone levels fluctuate and fall, they affect:
– our internal body temperature regulation
– melatonin (our sleep hormone)
– stress hormones like cortisol
– how deeply and consistently we sleep
Hot flushes, night sweats, anxiety, racing thoughts and early-morning wake-ups all play a role. Many women fall asleep fine… and then wake at 2, 3 or 4am, feeling wide awake.
How much sleep do we actually need?
Most adults need 7–9 hours of good-quality sleep. Some research suggests women may even need slightly more than men, especially during hormonal transitions.
What matters most isn’t perfection to keep to those hours, but more about how often your sleep is broken, how rested you feel during the day and whether sleep issues are short-term or on-going.
What helps (easy fixes)
The good news? Small changes can make a real difference. Things that consistently show benefit:
– a regular bedtime routine
– a cool, dark bedroom
– limiting alcohol in the evening
– daylight exposure in the morning
– exercise during the day
– calming the nervous system before bed
Food and lifestyle also matter and experts like Dr Rupy Aujla (The Doctor’s Kitchen) recommend eating earlier in the evening, eating magnesium-rich foods and reducing screens just before bed to support better sleep.
For some women, medical support or hormone therapy can also be life-changing, discuss with a GP if sleep issues are persistent or severe.
More blogs on menopause, sleep and healthy ageing are coming – one step, one night (and sometimes one coffee) at a time.
💛
Hasta pronto,
x
How much sleep do we actually need?
Why so many women struggle with sleep in midlife
one of the most common symptoms of perimenopause and menopause
